Le Gummybear Fortress

Resolutions for 2012

1. Doodle Everyday.
This is something that I should have done since the day I learned to hold a pencil.
It's a crucial discipline, but I've always found excuses to lay it off, like being too exhausted from work and being emotionally troubled. Perhaps it's depression. However, somehow I know that if I struggled a little bit more for myself, I would be free from my own demons.

2. Be Less Verbal.
I am a person who is easily ticked off and I waste my time expressing my frustrations and disappointments for the world to see. It is unnecessary, irritating and it does make me feel like a fool after the moment has passed. It is like bad addictive food for the soul, and it creates problems. I want to be a just a little more stabilized.

If it burns deep, how does one, or rather three, let it slide?

My company had its KickAss(taokay name one arrrh!!!) meeting today, followed by Mandy's birthday celebration. While the meeting itself for affixed to just business alone, Mandy gave us this really heartfelt speech of appreciation after receiving her present, and inevitably the topic of workplace conflict came about.

Naturally, as close as a family that we are, Mandy hoped that the few of us could set our differences aside. The boss then added his views on the matter, taking no sides and calmly tried to provide reason for reconciliation. I cannot go against that. I cannot.

I'm extremely intolerant of that faggot's lack of respect for others. I can put up with his constant dramatic whining, his overall silliness, his determination to look like a star of a soap opera, but not his verbally abusive ways and definitely not his aggressive gestures of PUNCHING ME FOR NO REASON AT ALL(apart from taking out his frustrations of the world on me and self amusement).

However, there were times when we cliqued and it secretly hurts to think we will be enemies for life. There are still videos of that faggot doing stupid harmless shit on my phone. I think it's a waste of my phone's space, but still I cannot bring myself to delete them. They are, after all, pretty amusing to watch as long as I'm not angry at that faggot.

I really do want to reconcile but the problem is that he is pretty fucking stuck up. I've done a couple of minor approaches, and so has Jo, but they were all generally ignored. Unless he gets off that high horse of his, we're never going to reconcile.

I really understand how hurt my uninvolved coworkers are over this matter, I don't want the company divided, and I hate the idea of isolating a person, but this... this is mainly the setting he has built for himself. If it isn't, then it is my fault for making him feel accepted, my fault for letting him know that he doesn't need to be perfect, my fault for putting up with his numerous displays of aggression, my fault for the times I felt offended and retaliated, and my fault for existing.

After all, "go and die", "see you I want to slap your face", and "it's all because of you" were words I heard on a daily basis.


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My health has been like a poor child who's been constantly lied to, like that girl in the commercial against problem gambling. When I have something important I have to do, it fortifies. When there was a brief period where I felt I could catch my breath, it falters. It's all a sequence of lies as I am just physically not very well.

Ever since I got diagnosed for anaemia, I've been a little paranoid. I could tell when the ground isn't flat and I would feel perhaps a little exaggeratedly dizzy when I know I haven't been taking my pills everyday or when I've gone a few hours without food.

I've been touching my forehead now and then to assure myself that I have a good pulse, and if I don't feel much of anything, I get worried.

This morning at 5, I woke up just felt like I was something that wasn't alive. I could barely feel my pulse and my heartbeat. It as scary, and the fact that my heartbeat didn't seem to accelerate made it worrying. I thought of horrible things. Thoughts like I might suddenly just die from exhaustion without realising. I tried to cry out of fear and the little reassurance that I could feel alive by doing so but nothing came out of these tear ducts. All I could do was force myself back to sleep.

Thankfully when it was time to get up, I felt the rush of being alive as I was late for work.

I also found myself stuck in a train in a tunnel a few times this morning, making me rrrrreally late for work. :)

Oh well, time to head for bed again! I have too many things I want to do and a bunch of good friends to live and strive for. :D

Hello~~~

My brain is spoileddddd 83....

Dinah has been having dizzy spells since last Tuesday night. Dinah is not ok. Dinah is spoilllllllll~

Last Thursday, Dinah fell head first from her bed and protected her head by using her left wrist as a cushion. Dinah's right hand now has zombie-looking patches but Dinah's hand is ok. Dinah's right upper arm is still a bit painful.

Dinah came to work that day feeling very horrible. An irritating person was pointing at Dinah and asked if Dinah went clubbing because Dinah kept rubbing her head. Dinah FUCKING HATES THAT FUCKING IRRITATING DIPSHIT WHO IS SO FUCKING RUDE BUT IS FUCKING DELUDED INTO THINKING HE'S SOME SORT OF A FUCKING SAINT does not like the irritating person and threw a plastic cup at his face without second thoughts. The cup hit his forehead and we have not exchanged any words since.

That night, Dinah was supposed to celebrate Dinah's colleague's birthday but Dinah didn't go before she wanted to see the doctor and wanted to avoid the irritating person. The doctor told Dinah that she is just stressed. When Dinah told the told the doctor that someone tells her to die everyday, his face became all crumply that it was almost funny.

Dinah got some medicine from the doctor but they are running out. Dinah wants to go see a random doctor from the nearby polyclinic because Dinah still feels very bad. Maybe something is wrong with Dinah. Dinah also secretly wants to be diagnosed with a mental illness so Dinah can be fired from her job and stay at home and draw all day.

Dinah promised her dad to sleep no later than midnight, since Thursday night. Dinah will stop blogging now. Bye bye~

Today was the most painful birthday I ever had. There were problems with friends, there were problems in the world, there were problems with the paths I want to take for my future. But what broke me down was the crippling thought of leaving home. The Enbloc.

For the past few years, every time a special occasion comes on, I will think to myself "This is the last time we'll have it in this house." Every year, I was told that it will be delayed till the next year. Whenever that happened, it made me frustrated as I was looking forward to it, but it also gave me relief knowing that I do not have to say goodbye so soon. This year, is the reality of it.

Although a house is not a person, it felt close to having a love one suffer from cancer. It's that uneasy feeling of being prepared for years and years. My house has provided me with shelter, and a place safer than anywhere else in this world. This is the place I turn to when I'm feeling down or scared. When I think of all these, I wonder how I'm going to sleep when that sort of comfort is gone forever.

A lot of people envy me because I get to move out. Yes, the new place will probably be much nicer, but is having new and better things really that important? I like my house. It's old and it's falling apart but it is home. I will miss everything about it.

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On a happier note, I'm really grateful for all the birthday wishes and presents. My coworkers esspecially were really sweet, holding up this mini celebration with more presents than I can ask for. Thank you, everyone!

SO.....

Ophiuchus is now famous! Thanks to the astronomers at Minnesota Planetarium Society.
http://www.foxbaltimore.com/newsroom/top_stories/videos/wbff_vid_6393.shtml

Wait, this was something I knew since I was 15. What the hell have the actual scientist been doing? Eating cereal? Watching porn? THE SHIFT HAPPENED LAST YEAR MY ASSSSSSSSSS~! IT'S BEEN CENTURIES. I feel smarter than people with PhDs, this is not right.

Anyway, everyone who is a firm believer of Tropical Western Astrology is now in a state of DUNDUNDUNESS. I guess that it's normal, because years back a group of people were told the truth and they were like severely depressed and probably wandered about like flies for a while.

Still, even with this sudden news, I don't think the western astrologers are going to change the system that we see in newspapers. Like I said, this is severely old news, astrologers have been aware of the existence of a 13th sun sign for veryveryveryveryveryvery long time. Did they change the dates? Nope. Western astrologists are stubborn people who cannot see a person without refering to their bible first. Also, what's one person against a horde of diehard believers?

Hey man, I mean, I've kept my mouth shut about being a Pisces because I didn't want people to erupt lol. People won't change lah. When I was young before I knew of this information, I tried so hard to be an Aries it was so pretentious. I failed. You guys will be fiiiiine~

Yep. That's Doraemon for ya.

Watching Nobita and the Great Mermaid Battle because thought it was gonna have loads of hawt merpeople with tridents and s***.

...then I remembered who Nobita is. Demashita PPGZ had one episode that wouldn't stop making fun of him if I'm not wrong. XD.... *has never really watched doraemon*

*goes back watching*

edit: After he blowed the the sword, someone said "Ok. I'm putting it in."

Then Gian gave Nobita a hug and Nobita said "IT REALLY HURTS BUT IT FELT GREAT"

I feel like I'm watching Panty and Stocking now. XD

I think it's pretty much standardized that whenever I come here, I have something to whine about.

.....

SGTCC SUCKED.

You know you know! I applied for halfday! And and, I work like mad today so that I leave at 2 sharp! And and I had my camera because I thought I would be able to take loads and loads and loads of pictures. And and! I paid $25 to go in.

Then when I walked through the front door... I was like... Hah like that only ah?...

It was a world of a difference. I remember very clearly, last year, I went insane the moment saw the graffiti board outside the hall. Insane, as in pure joy. And I went snapping at everything awesome I saw, AT EVERY CORNER.

This year, I went one whole round, and there was nothing really that awesome to take pictures of(with the exception of Sheena's dolls, hell they were gorgeous!). They just made me pay money to enter a crappy exhibition. I do like the little independent artbooths, but WTF happened to the rest?

I already knew that David Horvath will not be here this year. It was bad enough for me. But but, I went there, Simone Legno seemed to be the only super big name toy designer there, selling his own stuff. Without him, I think someone would have set the entire exhibition hall ablaze.

The nendoroid display. I'm telling you, it's the exact same one from AFA. It's like they never took it down in the first place.

Imaginary Friends. Heck, I've no idea what went wrong. It's like, they were just selling prints. No drawing on spot. No artists. It was just, "Nah, look at this piece of paper then tell me which one you want". Plus the only options you had were like DC characters -_____-.. HELLO? IF? WHAT HAPPENED MAN?

Oh well...

Hand-foot-and-mouth disease is nasty.

I got it from the kids. Dx... I don't even go near them much so... it's probably my shitty immune system and my mother's sense of hygiene put together. And yay! You have a 22-year-old suffering from a kid's illness.

The darn blisters showed up today, starting with what I thought was an ant bite, then to some discomfort around my nails, which I thought was just something to do with me cutting my nails this morning. When I came home, it got pretty obvious.

My mom. I tell you. She was like "THIS IS IT!!! THIS IS HMMD!!!! HOW COME YOU CAN GET?!!!!"... How do I put it, it's like when you watch those dramas where you know, someone is about to die and people crowd around shouting stuff like "WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN? OPPA DON'T LEAVE ME!"... That, that sense of gloom. Mom, do not scare people.

For those of you who do not know what HFMD is. It's an annoying disease whereby you get mysterious mini blisters around the palms, feet soles, external mouth area, tongue and most disturbingly, the throat. You might also get fever and headaches. It usually occurs in young children but adults can get it too. Complicated cases have been fatal.

I went to the doctor just yesterday because of a fever and sore throat. No signs of HFMD at that time. So tomorrow I'll be seeing him again. I saw him 2 times in a month already T___T

To a week of sad sad lonely offdays~ :'D